The Way We Lied

For a moment he thought she would be angry, like all the other women of his acquaintance would be, but she was amused and then she laughed. “So what, I was stark naked. Just as naked as I had been in the woods.” She smiled at him, tilting her head on one side. “There should be no secrets between us.”
He hung his head, feeling his cheeks redden, but he continued. He had to tell the truth. “The fact is, as I was watching I wanted you. But I couldn’t have you. Then I wanted to…I wanted you and I wanted to touch myself while I looked through the window. But I didn’t do anything because I respect you and I want you to respect me. That’s why I’m telling you all this.”
She didn’t look at all shocked at his words, she just seemed amused. “Don’t be so coy, David. You can speak plainly you know. There is no shame in saying that you wanted to masturbate. It is not sinful to use honest common words. You wanted to wank, to jerk yourself off, or however you want to put it. I’m not surprised you wanted to do that. You’re a normal, full-blooded man.”
She squeezed his hand. “You have feelings. I have feelings too. But giving in to them would be like all the others out there, the dishonest couples fucking their neighbours and au pairs. We don’t have to be like them. We are stronger and better than them.”
He felt more relaxed now. He was relieved he had told her and glad he had not followed his baser instincts. They could talk to each other with total honesty now. He took a deep breath and said, “I want to change, but I’m not sure how to. Tell me Mary, tell me what to do.”
“I can’t tell you specifically,” she said, slipping from her armchair onto the hearth rug,
“but I can support and encourage you. This is like being reborn. Coming to everything afresh, with new eyes. You have been stripped naked and have bared yourself, your body and your soul to the elements and to me. Now you can start to be a new person. You can still be a good husband and father and a good MP. You can begin again.”
Then she kissed him on the lips and held him and he felt confident and strong.

to be continued January 25

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