The Way We Lied

Helen’s Millennium Letter

This is such a lovely idea of Caroline’s! She is such a good friend and such a lovely person. So, here goes, New Year, new start, New Year Resolutions! And it’s going to be big year for me as I have finally decided how I want to live from now on. I know I am strong enough now to stick to my decision. If Simon objects I will try to persuade him to support me but I may simply have to ignore him. I know he has always protected me and been a good husband in the sense of being a good provider, but I cannot let him dictate how I have to live and work for the rest of my life. I shall go mad if he stops me working in the way I have been shown that I am capable of developing.
So I have decided to follow Mary’s example and as soon as I feel sure the children are settled in their universities, I will travel even more widely doing research for my paintings. I want to see new things far beyond the staid humdrum life I have led here. I can afford to go if I live cheaply. And if Simon refuses to let me go, then I may have to leave him for good. I don’t really want to, but I may simply have to break away. It is the only way I can see my future and imagine I can continue to develop my work. If I don’t go, don’t keep working, it will be a denial of all Mary has shown me and all she has taught me. I can never go back to the days when I was afraid and uncertain and I will be eternally grateful to her.

to be continued June 13

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